“ And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.” – Is. 30:21
About two years ago I applied for a volunteer work in an International NGO because I so much believe I can help without expecting if it’ll be real or not. It was also a spur of the moment when I came across their website which a friend shared. Then as I browse thru their page and checking on the requirements I enlisted myself for their volunteer program. I have forgotten it till last month when I received an email confirming the slot for me with particular necessities . The need was disclosed A.S.A.P. – and having the same enthusiasm, I prepared the needed documents. With my current job post, I made some delays in passing but the company followed me up with full support that they believe what I’ve written in the essay I passed to them two years back. I am elated but my heart was somewhere in between.
The good news was more than I can imagine but I also have other things in my heart that I wanted resolved. I prayed and in my discernment I know I am ready to go… so I prepared myself rushing here and there, juggling whatever I can and went through reading and review of the topics, cases I’ll be assign with. Again I am convince that I am ready to go.
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I accomplished all requirements; I took a test as part of the preparation and got my scheduled training. I was fulfilled and told myself I deserved a little break and accepted some trip invitations. And an unusual trip happened yesterday, my invitation was to go fishing with my senior citizen friend and her friends(which are now my friends too:-). It was one of the coolest experiences I’ve had. Having to be with people almost 4-5x my age , their simple joys, laughers and the wisdom I got from them in fishing.
(Going to the location would take 2-3 hours and the boat ride to the pond was almost 40 minutes (one way). On those strangest moments God spoke.)
The 40 minute boat ride wasn’t smooth, we have to counteract with the tilt of the boat just to make sure we’ll keep it balance preventing all of us from drowning. The boat wasn’t comfortable, no roof and so we would be under the scorching heat of the sun. I wasn’t prepared for it but I just took the challenge, no sunblock, just a regular tee, no water to drink, no wind just the stillness of water and heat burning my skin and God spoke as I’m reminded of my being engrossed over what I wish and what is called for me to do. Over my personal decisions and how I contradict His wisdom. I heard him:
“You’ve been staying in this uncertainty and haven’t realized that there’s an end to this. That there is hope in this, that the long wait is over – see thru it and believe.”
I was caught off guard because I know it’s true. So as a first step, I made a mental list of what He’s referring and one by one omitted those He wanted me to remove.
Arriving at the place, I saw the plainness of things. No rest rooms, no electricity, only a traditional house… with kids contented with what they have, barefoot, dissimilar flip-flops and the like. I saw the made-shift restrooms and used it. I was surprise by the faces of people in the community we passed all filled with peace. Some kids were swimming on the pond along with their pet animals and it’s not disturbing them… there were no fruit trees, no shade but the community was partying in the drumbeats…they were dancing along the pathways at their best…was it because there’s a feast? Or because the community culture was just like that? I have no idea but I know God was speaking deep into my soul.
I was stirred with the decision I made for the volunteer work – and it’s only 2 weeks for my final answer. And I will be off on a strange place without a family or a friend. In a country too far from home and serve the less privilege and providing them care. I looked back at community and it brought confusion. My heart was pounding because there was a loud voice in my head saying: “Don’t these people need help? Are they experiencing charity?” questions that left me speechless.
Before going on this fishing trip I have an irrevocable decision but seeing what I saw and being there is disturbing me…I know it was God. A few days ago, I am aware what will happen:a) that I’ll be deployed longer than I expected, b.) that there is a promising career after and c.) I have an edge but seeing all these, something has changed.I am like the fishermen at sea detouring having found there’s more from where they are than the place they wanted to be.
Come tomorrow I will be on training and the next 10 days will include radical choices. My only lighthouse will be the assurance of where peace is – so for the next 10 days what dreams should I be fulfilling or goals I will accomplished is dependent on Him. I just know that whatever my resolutions be, God will support it. At the moment, am letting go and letting God.